The Exchange (It’s Never Free!)

Disclaimer: There are middle aged men out there who feel like they are an oppressed class. I am not one of them. I have been known to say that Middle Aged Men, especially Middle aged white men, have been responsible for most, if not all, of the World’s problems for the last 2-6000 years. Prior to that, we didn’t live to middle age and were probably not so much a problem. The point of this post is not to play the victim but is truly a factual relating of how it is as a middle aged married guy, just like most of your clients and admirers (I bet).

There is from time to time, frequently now, it seems on Twitter posts about conversations between SW and other women where the non SW women follow this same theme: having sex for money is somehow different from their lives and that SW is a product of the lack of self worth on the part of the SW. Then there are tons of replies and reTweets and you can almost hear the laughter. So here is the real deal (I am stating the obvious) It is never free.

I once had a conversation with my wife who was bragging about how her friend group of fellow wives were all saying that except for one of them, none of the husbands got blowjobs. For context, these men were a surgeon, a few lawyers, a stockbroker and a home inspection business owner (he still got blowjobs). Married women like to generalize based on what is going on with their immediate peer group, so this conversation was like permission for all of these women to continue to talk pride in saying no to their husbands and limit what was available to them sexually. With the exception of one of the women (who is a lawyer) the husbands all provided the lions share of the financial support for the family.

As a divorce lawyer, it has been my experience that it is ok for a woman to divorce her husband because he has lost his job or his business isn’t doing well but if the man does the same thing or even verbalizes frustration with the woman’s lack of financial contribution to the marriage or relationship, he’s a huge asshole. Also, you know if the business isn’t doing well or he got laid off, he isn’t getting any at home if he is a professional. Blue collar families are much better at this. The Playboy Adviser once wrote in a column about a tour he did in the Rust Belt and his observation was that since so many men were laid off and spent a lot of time at home with not a lot of money to go out, most of them had figured out where the clitoris was.

A lot of modern marriage is conditional love. The sex is held out as a carrot. If I am visibly working in the yard or doing a big household project, I am probably getting laid. My wife and I have sex at least once a quarter whether we need it or not is my private joke. Many couples in our demographic schedule their sexual encounters like their other activities (Thursday night Kid’s soccer then private time) but most have this unrealistic idea that it should be spontaneous yet completely fill up their time so it never happens. It’s a great example of letting the perfect ruin the good. Also, you get really good at fucking in the shower. It’s one of the places that takes away all of the excuses like “already showered”, “falling asleep” or “the kids are still up”. I have it down to a science from knowing to not move my feet so I don’t slip to how wide my legs have to be to line up with my wife’s… well you get the picture.

Throughout the history of most relationships, the men have tried to do and say the right things so they can get laid. Some examples are: Third dates, flowers, jewelry, “let’s be exclusive”, “let me go fill up your car with gas and get it detailed”, “will you marry me?” And ” of course we can afford this house”. The difference between married life and SW is that the exchange is more honest, the financial part is a better deal in the long run, you don’t have to share a bathroom with the other person for very long, blowjobs still exist and nobody is nagging (the subject of a prior post).

One last hot tip, guys can be fucked into submission. I will say no to a lot of things but it’s really hard to refuse anything to someone who has sucked you to get started and fucked you in 4 different positions and who is curled up with her head on your shoulder and her leg wrapped around yours stroking your dick for round 2.

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